\u201cNe e pranojm\u00eb dashurin\u00eb q\u00eb besojm\u00eb se e meritojm\u00eb\u201d. K\u00ebt\u00eb do ta keni d\u00ebgjuar t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn nj\u00eb her\u00eb, nj\u00eb fjali nga filmi \u201cGjall\u00ebrim, t\u00eb qenit nj\u00eb fem\u00ebr e injoruar\u201d. Ndoshta ne mendojm\u00eb se t\u00eb jesh e vetme \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e leht\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201czgjidhur\u201d gj\u00ebrat, zakoni p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb vet\u00ebm t\u00eb \u00e7on n\u00eb tendenc\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u00eb pranuar gjendjen e vetmis\u00eb duke th\u00ebn\u00eb me vete: \u201cN\u00eb thelb un\u00eb jam mir\u00eb, un\u00eb nuk kam nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb partner q\u00eb t\u00eb ndjehem e plot\u00eb\u201d. Por \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithashtu e zakonshme q\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqemi edhe brenda nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieje n\u00eb \u00e7ift. Shkurtimisht, t\u00eb jesh i k\u00ebnaqur me dashurin\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb shum\u00eb e zakonshme. Por pse ndodh? Pse jemi t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur me marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet mediokre, t\u00eb cilat nuk na k\u00ebnaqin dhe nuk \u00a0i d\u00ebshirojm\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb? Si e kuptojm\u00eb se po k\u00ebnaqemi?<\/p>\n
Sara Guerran, nj\u00eb psikologe n\u00eb Milano, eksperte n\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet n\u00eb \u00e7ift: \u201cArsyet q\u00eb shtrihen prapa t\u00eb mjaftuarit me pak, n\u00eb dashuri jan\u00eb, n\u00eb thelb, dy. Nga nj\u00ebra an\u00eb mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb presion social, q\u00eb ndjejm\u00eb kur, p\u00ebr shembull, mbetesh e vetme deri n\u00eb mosh\u00ebn 40 vje\u00e7are, dhe miqt\u00eb tan\u00eb dhe t\u00eb af\u00ebrmit k\u00ebmb\u00ebngulin p\u00ebr t\u00eb na pyetur kur kemi p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201cvendosur\u201d. Ka gra q\u00eb, n\u00eb fakt, zgjedhin p\u00ebr t\u00eb q\u00ebndruar me nj\u00eb njeri q\u00eb nuk e \u00e7mojn\u00eb ve\u00e7an\u00ebrisht, por dashuria e mang\u00ebt \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e mir\u00eb se sa kur nuk ka dashuri, pavar\u00ebsisht se nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb dashuria me nj\u00eb D t\u00eb madhe\u201d, na tregon Guerra. \u201cN\u00eb an\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr, ekziston frika p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb vet\u00ebm. Disa njer\u00ebz mendojn\u00eb nj\u00eb gjysm\u00eb moll\u00eb dhe nuk besoj t\u00eb jen\u00eb individ\u00eb t\u00eb plot\u00eb n\u00eb qoft\u00eb se ata kan\u00eb tjet\u00ebr fat me dik\u00eb, pra \u00e7do gjysm\u00eb moll\u00eb do t\u00eb shkoj\u00eb mir\u00eb p\u00ebr ta\u201d, thot\u00eb psikologu. \u201cN\u00eb psikologji ai thot\u00eb se vendoset t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqurit me th\u00ebrrimet. Ata q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur p\u00ebr t\u00eb ngr\u00ebn\u00eb vet\u00ebm th\u00ebrrimet, me kalimin e koh\u00ebs mund t\u00eb mendojn\u00eb se si t\u00eb jen\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb plot\u00eb, por n\u00eb fund, ti e kupton se ke qen\u00eb gjithmon\u00eb i uritur. Metafora ushqimore funksionon shum\u00eb mir\u00eb me dashurin\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n
Por n\u00eb baz\u00eb t\u00eb presionit social dhe frik\u00ebs nga vetmia, ekziston nj\u00eb problem edhe m\u00eb i rr\u00ebnjosur: vet\u00ebvler\u00ebsimi. \u201cKushdo q\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i k\u00ebnaqur ka vet\u00ebbesim t\u00eb ul\u00ebt. K\u00ebta njer\u00ebz besojn\u00eb se ata nuk e meritojn\u00eb dashurin\u00eb e v\u00ebrtet\u00eb dhe t\u00eb plot\u00eb, t\u00eb ndaluar n\u00eb takimin e par\u00eb. Ato nuk do t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqen, nuk zgjedhin. Njer\u00ebzit n\u00eb dashuri jan\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur zakonisht por jan\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebrkim p\u00ebr dashurin\u00eb, ata jan\u00eb zgjedhur nga dikush tjet\u00ebr, pra ata thjesht jan\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur\u201d, komenton Guerra.\u201cAta q\u00eb jan\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur jan\u00eb pjes\u00ebrisht t\u00eb lumtur, por kurr\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb jen\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur plot\u00ebsisht\u201d. Pak si ajo th\u00ebnie e vjet\u00ebr q\u00eb p\u00ebrmend \u201cKush \u00ebsht\u00eb i k\u00ebnaqur, g\u00ebzon\u201d. Ndoshta, por sigurisht q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb arrijn\u00eb lumturin\u00eb. Sipas ekspert\u00ebve, t\u00eb punuarit me vet\u00eb-respektin \u00ebsht\u00eb thelb\u00ebsore. Mbani mend filmin nga Gabriele Muccino, me aktorin Will Smith, n\u00eb k\u00ebrkim t\u00eb lumturis\u00eb? Ka nj\u00eb sken\u00eb, ku ai \u00ebsht\u00eb ulur n\u00eb shk\u00ebmb me djalin e tij dhe thot\u00eb: \u201cKurr\u00eb mos lejo q\u00eb dikush t\u00eb t\u00eb tregoj\u00eb se nuk mund t\u00eb b\u00ebsh di\u00e7ka.\u201d N\u00eb at\u00eb moment, babai po punon p\u00ebr vet\u00ebbesimin e djalit t\u00eb tij dhe i thot\u00eb atij t\u00eb mos vendos\u00eb, ai meriton m\u00eb shum\u00eb, ai mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb se sa t\u00eb \u00a0k\u00ebnaqurit me kaq. N\u00ebse mendojm\u00eb p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb, n\u00eb fund t\u00eb fundit, duke shkuar n\u00eb k\u00ebrkim t\u00eb lumturis\u00eb, duke k\u00ebrkuar di\u00e7ka, kjo domosdoshm\u00ebrisht n\u00ebnkupton nj\u00eb l\u00ebvizje, nj\u00eb ndryshim. P\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb i k\u00ebnaqur, megjithat\u00eb, jep nj\u00eb imazh statik dhe t\u00eb pal\u00ebvizsh\u00ebm. P\u00ebrmbajtja do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb jesh akoma gjall\u00eb.<\/p>\n
Si ta kuptojm\u00eb se vet\u00ebm po k\u00ebnaqemi<\/strong><\/p>\n Mund t\u00eb duket e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, por n\u00eb realitet, t\u00eb qenit duke u k\u00ebnaqur ka shenja shum\u00eb t\u00eb dukshme n\u00eb jet\u00ebn e p\u00ebrditshme. \u201cNj\u00eb person i cili ka vendosur p\u00ebr nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie, megjith\u00ebse mediok\u00ebr ose n\u00eb \u00e7do rast i pak\u00ebnaqsh\u00ebm, ndjen nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb t\u00eb hidhur, zem\u00ebrim, zhg\u00ebnjim, frustrim, pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsi\u201d, thot\u00eb eksperti. \u201cKush \u00ebsht\u00eb i k\u00ebnaqur, shikon gabimet e partnerit m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha se sa jan\u00eb. K\u00ebta njer\u00ebz kan\u00eb nj\u00eb vello mbi syt\u00eb, kur ata flasin nga gjysma e tyre, syt\u00eb e tyre nuk shndrisin, z\u00ebri i tyre nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i p\u00ebrflakur. Ato mbeten pasiv\u00eb dhe t\u00eb pak\u00ebnaqur. Nd\u00ebrsa n\u00eb qoft\u00eb se ata nuk ushqehen, me t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, nga dashuria, ata mbesin gjithmon\u00eb t\u00eb uritur\u201d. N\u00eb fakt, kur jemi t\u00eb plot\u00eb, ne nuk k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb asgj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr.<\/p>\n N\u00eb disa raste, a jeni ende t\u00eb lumtur?<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cDuke par\u00eb defektet e partnerit me nj\u00eb v\u00ebshtrim realist nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb t\u00eb jesh i k\u00ebnaqur,\u201d p\u00ebrgjigjet Guerra. \u201cN\u00eb nj\u00eb nga librat e psikologjis\u00eb s\u00eb Gottlieb, autori shkruan se ne priremi t\u00eb jemi shum\u00eb perfeksionist\u00eb kur shikojm\u00eb t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt. Ne i shohim leht\u00eb t\u00eb metat e tyre, por duhet t\u00eb pranohet kjo pjes\u00ebrisht. Dhe kjo nuk do t\u00eb thot\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb gj\u00ebra thjesht p\u00ebr t\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb di\u00e7ka, por t\u00eb jemi realiste.\u201d Nd\u00ebrmjet\u00ebsimi, duke pasur pak fleksibilitet, \u00ebsht\u00eb i mir\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie, \u00ebsht\u00eb ajo q\u00eb na lejon t\u00eb duam njer\u00ebz t\u00eb ndrysh\u00ebm. Kur jeni thjesht t\u00eb k\u00ebnaqur, megjithat\u00eb, shihni se nuk keni ndjenj\u00ebn e \u201cngopjes\u201d dhe keni zgjedhje t\u00eb tjera n\u00eb dispozicion. Kjo dashuri \u00ebsht\u00eb neutrale dhe paq\u00ebsore, apo duam m\u00eb shum\u00eb? Ne t\u00eb gjith\u00eb duam t\u00eb jemi t\u00eb lumtur?P\u00ebr m\u00eb tep\u00ebr, sipas revist\u00ebs \u201cBolde\u201d, ka disa shenja t\u00eb vogla q\u00eb na lejojn\u00eb t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb n\u00ebse po shkojm\u00eb n\u00eb drejtim t\u00eb k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsis\u00eb s\u00eb p\u00ebrshtatjes me partnerin ton\u00eb apo jo.<\/p>\n Jetoni dy jet\u00eb krejt\u00ebsisht t\u00eb ve\u00e7anta<\/strong><\/p>\n L\u00ebnia e hap\u00ebsirave t\u00eb nj\u00ebri-tjetrit \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb e mir\u00eb dhe e drejt\u00eb, si dhe sekreti i nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieje t\u00eb sh\u00ebndetshme dhe t\u00eb q\u00ebndrueshme. Nuk ka arsye t\u00eb heq\u00ebsh dor\u00eb nga miq\u00ebsia, klasa Yoga ose palestra, darka me miqt\u00eb e f\u00ebmij\u00ebris\u00eb ose k\u00ebnaq\u00ebsia e gatimit. Por \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb gj\u00eb t\u00eb jesh nj\u00eb \u00e7ift i p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00eb nga dy persona t\u00eb pavarur t\u00eb cil\u00ebt gjithashtu mund t\u00eb ndahen mir\u00eb dhe nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr gj\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb mos ndash asgj\u00eb.<\/p>\n Nuk kini asgj\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt<\/strong><\/p>\n T\u00eb jesh krejt\u00ebsisht i ndrysh\u00ebm \u00ebsht\u00eb e mir\u00eb n\u00eb fillim t\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieje, na b\u00ebn t\u00eb ngaz\u00ebllyer, t\u00eb entuziazmuar, t\u00eb prirur p\u00ebr t\u00eb zbuluar nj\u00ebri-tjetrin. Por, pasi marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnia \u00ebsht\u00eb stabilizuar dhe nj\u00eb intimitet i caktuar ka marr\u00eb p\u00ebrsip\u00ebr ndarjen e vlerave t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme, vizioni i bot\u00ebs dhe disa interesave \u00ebsht\u00eb themelor. \u00cbsht\u00eb e pamundur q\u00eb t\u00eb ket\u00eb gjith\u00e7ka t\u00eb p\u00ebrbashk\u00ebt, dhe ka edhe mund\u00ebsi kur ndani interesa t\u00eb ndryshme, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb shk\u00ebmbehen ide dhe pikat e par\u00eb, por n\u00eb qoft\u00eb se nuk ka asgj\u00eb, absolutisht asgj\u00eb, q\u00eb ju ndani, at\u00ebher\u00eb kush \u00ebsht\u00eb pika p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb s\u00eb bashku? Zgjedhja p\u00ebr t\u00eb q\u00ebndruar me nj\u00eb partner plot\u00ebsisht t\u00eb larg\u00ebt prej nesh \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eblloj si t\u00eb jesh i k\u00ebnaqur me mediokritetin.<\/p>\n Kaloni raste t\u00eb ve\u00e7anta sikur t\u00eb ishin \u201cdit\u00eb normale\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Shpenzimi i Krishtlindjeve me personin q\u00eb e doni \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb d\u00ebshir\u00eb q\u00eb ne t\u00eb gjith\u00eb e kemi. Dit\u00eblindja, Dita e Sh\u00ebn Valentinit, festimet e pranver\u00ebs, p\u00ebrvjetori etj. Raste t\u00eb ve\u00e7anta e b\u00ebjn\u00eb \u00e7iftin t\u00eb ndjej\u00eb dashuri. N\u00ebse e gjith\u00eb kjo nuk i takon \u00e7iftit tuaj, ju keni arritur deri n\u00eb pik\u00ebn q\u00eb nj\u00eb dit\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00ebsoj si t\u00eb tjerat dhe nuk ka dit\u00eb t\u00eb ve\u00e7ant\u00eb, ndoshta kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb shenj\u00eb se ju keni arritur n\u00eb k\u00ebnaqjeje gjysm\u00ebn bosh. Ju jeni duke u ulur n\u00eb dafinat kopshtit t\u00eb lidhjes tuaj, nd\u00ebrsa shikoni se dashuria juaj do t\u00eb jet\u00eb si nj\u00eb dim\u00ebr i ftoht\u00eb.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cNe e pranojm\u00eb dashurin\u00eb q\u00eb besojm\u00eb se e meritojm\u00eb\u201d. K\u00ebt\u00eb do ta keni d\u00ebgjuar t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn nj\u00eb her\u00eb, nj\u00eb fjali nga filmi \u201cGjall\u00ebrim, t\u00eb qenit nj\u00eb fem\u00ebr e injoruar\u201d. Ndoshta ne mendojm\u00eb se t\u00eb jesh e vetme \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e leht\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb \u201czgjidhur\u201d gj\u00ebrat, zakoni p\u00ebr t\u00eb qen\u00eb vet\u00ebm t\u00eb \u00e7on n\u00eb tendenc\u00ebn p\u00ebr […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4175,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n