Fjal\u00ebt q\u00eb p\u00ebrdorim p\u00ebr t\u00eb komunikuar me veten n\u00eb dialogun ton\u00eb t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm, si dhe ato n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet t\u00eb cilave ua zbulojm\u00eb veten t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, kan\u00eb fuqi t\u00eb madhe: ato mund t\u00eb forcojn\u00eb, d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb ose transformojn\u00eb gjendjen ton\u00eb, t\u00eb na japin g\u00ebzim ose dhembje. N\u00eb fakt, n\u00ebse i mendojm\u00eb thell\u00eb, i shqiptojm\u00eb ose i shkruajm\u00eb me men\u00e7uri dhe nd\u00ebrgjegje, na ngush\u00ebllojn\u00eb, na sigurojn\u00eb, na motivojn\u00eb, sjellin besim dhe energji pozitive. Por n\u00ebse i p\u00ebrdorim ato pa kujdes, pa marr\u00eb parasysh efektet e tyre t\u00eb mundshme negative, rrezikojn\u00eb t\u00eb krijojn\u00eb nj\u00eb vorbull negativiteti n\u00eb t\u00eb cil\u00ebn \u00ebsht\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb mos biem.<\/p>\n
N\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb intuitive kuptojm\u00eb, p\u00ebr shembull, se ekziston nj\u00eb dallim mes fjal\u00ebs \u201cK\u00ebt\u00eb her\u00eb un\u00eb jam gabim\u201d, \u201cHer\u00ebt a von\u00eb do t\u00eb kaloj\u00eb\u201d dhe fjal\u00ebve \u201cUn\u00eb jam nj\u00eb d\u00ebshtim\u201d, apo \u201cKjo situat\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb e paq\u00ebndrueshme\u201d. Por \u00e7far\u00eb thot\u00eb psikologjia p\u00ebr k\u00ebt\u00eb dhe, mbi t\u00eb gjitha, \u00e7far\u00eb sugjerimesh na jep p\u00ebr ta shfryt\u00ebzuar m\u00eb s\u00eb miri? Le t\u2019i gjejm\u00eb s\u00eb bashku.<\/p>\n
U JAPIN FORME MENDIMEVE<\/p>\n
\u201cN\u00ebse fjal\u00ebt jan\u00eb aq vendimtare n\u00eb jet\u00eb, kjo ndodh p\u00ebr shkak se n\u00eb saj\u00eb t\u00eb tyre ne i japim form\u00eb dialogut t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm, n\u00eb t\u00eb cilin p\u00ebrshkruajm\u00eb dhe komentojm\u00eb mbi p\u00ebrvojat tona, ndjenjat tona, si dhe pik\u00ebpamjet tona\u201d, thot\u00eb psikologia dhe psikoterapistja Anna Merolle. \u201cMe an\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebritjes s\u00eb tyre, fjal\u00ebt kristalizohen brenda nesh si t\u00eb v\u00ebrteta, prandaj ato ndikojn\u00eb n\u00eb gjendjen ton\u00eb emocionale. Natyrisht, do t\u00eb ishte nj\u00eb p\u00ebrforcim pozitiv n\u00ebse dialogu i brendsh\u00ebm t\u00eb ishte i kufizuar n\u00eb mendime konstruktive. N\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, n\u00eb shumic\u00ebn e rasteve \u00ebsht\u00eb i mbushur me fjal\u00eb gjykimi, disfatiste: n\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb pasqyrim i plag\u00ebve q\u00eb mbartim brenda. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7udi, pra, q\u00eb shpesh prodhon dob\u00ebsim dhe pengesa (\u201cUn\u00eb meritoj t\u00eb m\u00eb l\u00ebr\u00eb\u201d, \u201cAskush nuk mund t\u00eb m\u00eb kuptoj\u00eb\u201d). N\u00ebse, at\u00ebher\u00eb, k\u00ebto shprehje \u201ct\u00eb zeza\u201d dalin nga mendja dhe b\u00ebhen protagoniste t\u00eb bisedave dhe marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieve, ndodh q\u00eb fuqia e tyre demoralizuese t\u00eb p\u00ebrforcohet\u201d. P\u00ebr fat t\u00eb mir\u00eb, nuk jemi n\u00eb m\u00ebshir\u00ebn e fjal\u00ebve: ne kemi t\u00eb drejt\u00ebn q\u00eb t\u00eb ristrukturojm\u00eb ose t\u00eb kufizojm\u00eb ato q\u00eb na vendosin shkopinj n\u00eb rrota, ose t\u00eb shtojm\u00eb ato q\u00eb na sjellin mir\u00ebqenie. Le t\u00eb shohim se si.<\/p>\n
KUR FLET<\/p>\n
Sipas nj\u00eb s\u00ebr\u00eb studimesh t\u00eb kryer nga Mattheu D. Lieberman n\u00eb Departamentin e Psikologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin e Kalifornis\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur t\u00eb zbusim ndikimin e emocioneve ose gjendjeve shpirt\u00ebrore, q\u00eb na bezdisin \u2013 ose na m\u00ebrzisin \u2013 thjesht duke folur dhe duke i etiketuar ato. N\u00eb praktik\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e nevojshme q\u00eb ato t\u00eb p\u00ebrcaktohen me sakt\u00ebsi, gojarisht ose me shkrim, por pa u p\u00ebrpjekur p\u00ebr t\u2019i justifikuar. Disa shembuj: \u201cNdihem n\u00ebn presion\u201d, \u201cKam frik\u00eb dhe ndjej nj\u00eb ndjesi pafuqie \u201c, \u201cJam e zem\u00ebruar dhe e zhg\u00ebnjyer\u201d. E nj\u00ebjta vlen edhe p\u00ebr stimujt q\u00eb prodhojn\u00eb emocionet \/ gjendjet e humorit: \u201cBiri im qan\u201d, \u201cKy person \u00ebsht\u00eb i shqet\u00ebsuar dhe ka nj\u00eb v\u00ebshtrim t\u00eb keq\u201d, \u201cProjekti ka d\u00ebshtuar\u201d. Kjo strategji, e quajtur etiketimi i ndikimit, \u00ebsht\u00eb e dobishme, sepse v\u00eb nj\u00eb distanc\u00eb t\u00eb caktuar midis nesh dhe asaj q\u00eb na shqet\u00ebson, dhe e zvog\u00eblon forc\u00ebn e saj.<\/p>\n
Por kujdes: kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb subjektive. P\u00ebrmes testeve t\u00eb tilla si Imazheria me rezonanc\u00eb magnetike funksionale, Lieberman ka treguar se etiketimi redukton aktivitetin n\u00eb amigdal\u00eb, nj\u00eb struktur\u00eb e trurit e lidhur me prodhimin e emocioneve, dhe rrit aktivitetin e rajoneve t\u00eb caktuara paraballore q\u00eb lidhen me mbik\u00ebqyrjen dhe diskriminimin. Por nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm kjo. Sipas nj\u00eb studimi amerikan, kur ne kemi nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr t\u00eb rifituar vet\u00ebkontrollin \u2013 ndoshta p\u00ebr shkak se jemi n\u00eb rrethana t\u00eb v\u00ebshtira, ose p\u00ebr shkak se na v\u00ebrshojn\u00eb kujtime t\u00eb dhimbshme apo shqet\u00ebsuese \u2013 kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e dobishme p\u00ebr t\u00eb kaluar n\u00eb mes t\u00eb nj\u00eb dialogu t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm n\u00eb vet\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb apo t\u00eb tret\u00eb, mund\u00ebsisht duke p\u00ebrdorur emrin e pag\u00ebzimit (p\u00ebr shembull, \u201cdua t\u00eb largohem k\u00ebtu\u201d do t\u00eb b\u00ebhej \u201cFrancesca d\u00ebshiron t\u00eb largohet prej k\u00ebtu\u201d).<\/p>\n
Arsyeja? Kur i drejtohemi me em\u00ebr vetes krijojm\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb pavet\u00ebdijshme ndjesin\u00eb se po flasim me nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr person. Dhe duke e konsideruar veten \u201cs\u00eb jashtmi\u201d, me t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn shk\u00ebputje me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn v\u00ebzhgojm\u00eb nj\u00eb fqinj\u00eb, rritet aft\u00ebsia p\u00ebr t\u00eb kontrolluar shqet\u00ebsimet e brendshme n\u00eb kontekste stresuese.<\/p>\n
KUR SHKRUAN<\/p>\n
\u201cEdhe shkrimi i \u00a0fjal\u00ebve q\u00eb mendojm\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e mir\u00eb p\u00ebr shpirtin, sepse ju lejon t\u00eb transformoni dhe riorganizoni modelet mendore q\u00eb ju pengojn\u00eb ose d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb\u201d, thot\u00eb Dr Anna Merolle. \u201cPra, kur dialogu i brendsh\u00ebm t\u00eb b\u00ebhet nj\u00eb melodram\u00eb q\u00eb na mbyllur n\u00eb vetvete, me frik\u00ebn dhe plag\u00ebt tona, mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqemi ta sjellim at\u00eb bardh\u00eb e zi n\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb spontane, t\u00eb pakontrolluar ose t\u2019i japim nj\u00eb form\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb strukturuar dhe t\u00eb artikuluar, p\u00ebr shembull at\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00eb historie autobiografike ose nj\u00eb ditari. Ky i fundit me siguri ka potencial t\u00eb madh edhe n\u00eb rastet e vuajtjeve ekstreme\u201d. N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb drejtim, kujtojm\u00eb Ana Frankun dhe Ejt Hillesumin, viktima t\u00eb Holokaustit: n\u00eb faqet e tyre hodh\u00ebn faktet e tmerrshme t\u00eb momentit dhe elementet emocionale dhe personale. Duke u lidhur me traum\u00ebn p\u00ebrmes shkrimit, ishin n\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb merreshin me t\u00eb, dit\u00eb pas dite.<\/p>\n
SI TE FILLOSH<\/p>\n
P\u00ebr fat t\u00eb keq ka ende nga ata q\u00eb hezitojn\u00eb t\u00eb mb\u00ebshteten n\u00eb let\u00ebr dhe stilolaps pasi besojn\u00eb se nj\u00eb talent i ve\u00e7ant\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb i nevojsh\u00ebm. N\u00eb realitet gabohen! N\u00ebse e harrojm\u00eb kondicionimin skolastik dhe japim nj\u00eb shans p\u00ebr t\u00eb shkruar, e kuptojm\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb \u00e7liruese, n\u00eb disa raste edhe m\u00eb shum\u00eb se komunikimi me goj\u00eb. \u201cNj\u00eb ide, p\u00ebr t\u2019u njohur me k\u00ebt\u00eb mjet, \u00ebsht\u00eb t\u00eb shkarkosh nj\u00eb aplikim diktimi n\u00eb smartphone\u00bb, kujton ekspertja. \u201cKur e ndiejm\u00eb nevoj\u00ebn, ne i diktojm\u00eb mendimet tona pajisjes. M\u00eb von\u00eb, duke i d\u00ebgjuar ato me nj\u00eb mendje t\u00eb ftoht\u00eb, mund t\u00eb kemi t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn ndjesi si kur marrim ditar\u00ebt e adoleshenc\u00ebs: fjal\u00ebt tona do t\u00eb duken leht\u00ebsisht t\u00eb ngarkuara, t\u00eb ekzagjeruara, p\u00ebr pasoj\u00eb do t\u2019i japim nj\u00eb dimension t\u00eb ri sikletit q\u00eb i gjeneroi ato\u201d.<\/p>\n
Nj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr ushtrim i dobish\u00ebm p\u00ebr t\u2019iu qasur shkrimit \u00ebsht\u00eb identifikimi i fjal\u00ebve apo mendimeve negative q\u00eb na ngat\u00ebrrojn\u00eb dhe i shkruajm\u00eb n\u00eb qend\u00ebr t\u00eb nj\u00eb flete t\u00eb bardh\u00eb t\u00eb madhe. \u201cRreth \u00e7do fjale \/ mendimi ne heqim\u00a0shum\u00eb rrath\u00eb koncentrik\u00eb dhe i plot\u00ebsojm\u00eb me terma \/ fraza q\u00eb \u00e7lirojn\u00eb energjin\u00eb destruktive dhe \u00e7ojn\u00eb n\u00eb nd\u00ebrtimin e pohimeve pozitive\u201d, sugjeron psikoterapistja. Nj\u00eb paralajm\u00ebrim p\u00ebrfundimtar i marr\u00eb nga James Pennebaker, krijues i teknik\u00ebs s\u00eb shkrimit ekspresiv dhe profesor emeritus i psikologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin e Teksasit n\u00eb Austin: menj\u00ebher\u00eb pasi kemi hedhur me shkrim di\u00e7ka emocionale shqet\u00ebsuese, \u00ebsht\u00eb normale t\u00eb ndjejm\u00eb trishtim, n\u00eb p\u00ebrgjith\u00ebsi p\u00ebr disa or\u00eb m\u00eb e shumta.<\/p>\n
Tamam si kur shohim nj\u00eb film prek\u00ebs, q\u00eb n\u00eb fund ndihemi t\u00eb p\u00ebrfshir\u00eb, por me kalimin e or\u00ebve edhe m\u00eb t\u00eb urt\u00eb, sepse kur shohim emocionet tona bardh\u00eb e zi, m\u00eb pas na mund\u00ebson t\u2019i v\u00ebm\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb n\u00eb drit\u00eb. Krijohen k\u00ebshtu dobi jet\u00ebgjata, q\u00eb zbusin konfuzionin mendor dhe emocional q\u00eb shkakton ankth. Si t\u00eb thuash: sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb t\u00eb shkruajm\u00eb p\u00ebr ne dhe ndjesit\u00eb tona, aq m\u00eb t\u00eb qet\u00eb jemi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Fjal\u00ebt q\u00eb p\u00ebrdorim p\u00ebr t\u00eb komunikuar me veten n\u00eb dialogun ton\u00eb t\u00eb brendsh\u00ebm, si dhe ato n\u00ebp\u00ebrmjet t\u00eb cilave ua zbulojm\u00eb veten t\u00eb tjer\u00ebve, kan\u00eb fuqi t\u00eb madhe: ato mund t\u00eb forcojn\u00eb, d\u00ebmtojn\u00eb ose transformojn\u00eb gjendjen ton\u00eb, t\u00eb na japin g\u00ebzim ose dhembje. N\u00eb fakt, n\u00ebse i mendojm\u00eb thell\u00eb, i shqiptojm\u00eb ose i shkruajm\u00eb me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4445,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n